end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
