im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is wine microwaveable?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
