Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
