At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my poor anus
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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