i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
