why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
