I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize