I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
