i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
