i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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