Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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