its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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