I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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