Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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