Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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