My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
