my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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