I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just invented taco cereal.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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