I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
