i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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