i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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