My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
