i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Drake has all the answers
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize