Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
why is half of my head shaved?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
