If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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