I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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