she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
