I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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