So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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