i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it hurts more in the daytime
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
