i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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