Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
