Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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