look no pants
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
