I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
