So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
