So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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