the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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