Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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