fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
