Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize