She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
