can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
