The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
