Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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