i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
