i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
