She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
