So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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