So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
