Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
