Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
