you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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