You just made me feel so damn special
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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