one might say we're banned from that church
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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