peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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