her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
