I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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