she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
