She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
