Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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