I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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