Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
