dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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