How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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