I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
