i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize