You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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