don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
