A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize