My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
