I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
