i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
